Don’t Call Me On Xmas

the smoke in my throat is frightful
but burning all these bridges feels delightful
it’s not that i don’t have a heart
it just dont work like it used to
work like it’s built
i’m dressed to the nines and armed to the gills
and the water smells like blood
and the earth tastes like dirt
but this is the last meal
that i’ll ever ruin with a cross remark
it’s getting dark

don’t ever call me on xmas
i’ll never ever forgive ya
you worship a false messiah
and your god is dead

down to the town square
with a warhead in my hands
kill all the lights and let the candles die
bring terror to the land
it’s not that my spirit is broken
it’s just my purpose is clear and my time is now
i’d save the world if it’d show me how
but it only ever hurt me
and this winter is forever and the night is large
but “i love you” is the only lie i told
it’s getting cold

don’t ever call me on xmas
i’ll never ever forgive ya
you worship a false messiah
and your god is dead

I’d never done a holiday song, so here ya go. Written and recorded over the last two nights at Shakeytown Studios in Atwater Village, Los Angeles, California.

Alternate title: “I’m Dreaming of a Walter White Christmas.” 

Bite Marks

I can tell by the look in your eyes
that it’s gettin’ ‘bout that time
I can tell by the blood in your eyes
it’s time to say goodbye

so put on your clothes
and wipe your mouth on the way out
get to walkin’ while
you can still stand on your feet
and don’t come ‘round here no more
we will eat you alive

cuz we don’t care who loves you
we don’t care who’s sad you’re gone
we don’t care who’d miss you
if you never came home

This was recorded in Mesa, AZ by Mark “Pancho” Wilson in December 2006. I wrote this in Phoenix, AZ around New Year’s Eve 2005/New Year’s Day 2006, when I didn’t have a fixed address (I touch upon that time in my life in this Shakeytown Radio podcast minisode). The lyrics are some of the harshest I’ve ever written, I think, but I still really dig the song. It’s about vampires. Or show business. Same thing.

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Wanted

I thought you were my savior
I know now you’re my ruin
I thought love conquered everything
But that has been disproven
I don’t what it is I have to look forward to
I know I can’t find it in you

That’s not something I wanted
That’s what you gave to me
And now I know to never ask the Lord
To give me anything
He’ll take everything else away
As punishment
That’s not something I wanted

I swallowed so much pride now
You can hear my lungs choking
On every promise you took back
On every vow you’ve broken
And I have to say for whatever it’s worth
You know the guy is dumber than a mound of dirt

That’s not something I wanted
That’s what you gave to me
And now I know to never ask the Lord
To give me anything
He’ll take everything else away
As punishment
That’s not something I wanted

And so when your wedding day comes
I’m gonna put on my best suit
I’m gonna leave the tie at home
I’m gonna wait on the church steps
I’m gonna light a cigarette
And flick it at your fucking groom

That’s not something I wanted
That’s what you gave to me
And now I know to never ask the Lord
To give me anything
He’ll take everything else away
As punishment
That’s not something I wanted

This song was recorded by Ken Erickson in 2005. It has no subtext, it’s all out in the open. I’m not bitter about the story behind it. Well, not most days.

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Hunnerd Grand Man

I lost my virginity to the Whore of Babylon
She had real white teeth and was tattooed with the Mark of the Beast
I’m just a head in a jar, I dream all day but I don’t get very far
There’s a woman trying to kill me at the end of the bar
There’s a man with a mullet, said he’d make me a star

He said he’d make me a star

It’s not the dying I’m afraid of, it’s the people walkin’ ‘round at night
I don’t like the way they look at me from out behind the corners of their eyes
I make no apologies for deconstructing your mythologies
I got real bad knees and my clothes don’t fit me anymore

They don’t fit me anymore… they don’t fit me no more

And I know you would have been happier with me
And I know I’d be knee deep in misery
But my friends, they held my head as my insides
Hit the alleyway

They said they’d make me a star

This is a brand new recording of a song which was one of the first that I ever wrote, played, or recorded solo. The title refers to an old life insurance policy. It’s about one of my earliest, most significant relationships. There’s also some stuff in there about a guy who ran a local professional wrestling organization, an ACL I had two surgeries on, needing a new wardrobe because of weight gain, the theory that reality is just in our minds, and my feeling that late night pedestrians are creepers.

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The Good Witch

conversations always go cold
any time that I speak your name
staggering with my torch in hand
the whiskey always fuels the flame

I still want to be with you
that ain’t ever gonna change
and I am gonna be with you
I will always find a way

honey you say you’re spoken for
well that don’t matter much to me
cuz you’re hanging out here with me tonight
and I don’t see you wearin’ his ring

I still want to be with you
that ain’t ever gonna change
and I am gonna be with you
I will always find a way

there’s always something or someone
that we always hold hope out for
and every time I see you here alone
I feel that hope a little more

I still want to be with you
that ain’t ever gonna change
and I am gonna be with you
I will always find a way

Zach Burba produced this in 2005 (I think in the summer?) in what I called “The Megan Street Sessions,” because that was a street he lived off of and that was the name of the girl I was dating at the time (who I married four years later). I hassled Zach for the completed tracks for months, but he was busy recording and mixing his own stuff and for a lot of other musicians in Phoenix. The recordings were worth the wait, and many of them ended up on a release called “You Know Me,” though not the one above.

The song is called “The Good Witch” because I dated two different people with the same name (no, not at the same time), and I borrowed from “The Wizard of Oz” to make a distinction between the two. One was a sweetheart and the other was a world of trouble. This song is about the first one. The subject of the song got engaged, but it was not a good relationship, and I had some words with the fiance. Any time I discussed the situation with friends (particularly when I was drunk), they didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe they just didn’t want to hear me talk about my love life - many friends made that clear over the years.

Oh well, at least I got a story and song out of the whole mess. That’s always the bright side to these things.

(download)